Anger

When we say about anger.
What does the first thing comes across your mind?
Is that a negative emotional reactions that you should avoid?
Believe it or not.
I am starting to want the anger back.
I'm tired of being Mr.good.

Since back then, i know myself as an anger man.
But after the accident of my dad, i seal it away from my heart.
Because i know i could possibly harm my dad again especially after he had the heart disease.

However, as time passed, i am no longer frequently accompany my dad, but involved heavily with my personal life.
In these few years, i am no longer feel to contest for something that significantly important to my future.
In the court or games, i am no longer feel to show who's the better player.
All i think was to sacrifice or try my best to contribute as an outcome of displaying teamwork, which sometimes lead to the most victories.
But when i recalled it, i felt dissatisfied. I know i could do way better than that.
I am aiming to not just let this happens in virtual world, but in real life too.

Especially comes to queuing, most of the times, i felt nothing when people just cut off my line.
Because in the very first moment, i had already compromised myself that the person might have an emergency.
From the very first minutes, if it comes to a real battle for the own benefit, i certainly had already lost it.
Therefore, i gotta begin to feel how to contest again.

Anger is not always belongs to the negative side.
It depends on how or when you expressed it.
Besides, i believe a fact that anger could actually provides us the self-insight.
At least, when you felt anger, you probably felt something that is not right and threatening yourself by any ways.
Maybe he offended you. Maybe he disrespect you. Maybe you yourself is the one who make the very first mistake and you are angry at yourself.
Hence, we can possibly concluded that when there comes angry, that is the moment give you the insight to the problems.

The art of anger, when we manage to utilize it at the right moment, i believe it can eternally help us to push on towards our objectives in the face of problems or obstacles.

                “Sometimes, the good comes when we most need it and least expects it. If we are lucky enough to notice it, set our eyes upon it and appreciate it, it can makes us to forget all of the bad.”

                This is the last quote from the CSI NY season 9. I can’t believe it’s already comes to the end.  Well. There’s something that I felt toward it but I am just couldn’t define it precisely. Hence, I tried:  

Eventually, I found none is satisfying me but I found an interesting description which I had already highlighted it.

                How exactly for us to define an unsatisfying ending? To be honest, I don’t know. For me, it’s just a feeling. A feeling that is undeniable and mystery…

                不说了…… It’s just a tug at my heart. 

BASKETBALL......

Today i finally make it even its just about 5 mins long for the shooting session. 

Yet i am still glad for that.

"Gradually". Hmm.. This word would be my current favorite, which always remind me to improve myself in slow pace.

It's unnecessary to rush it though i want to have the resulting of being part of it so badly.

However, the entire shooting session wasn't so pleasant because every of the shot attempts are mostly turned into the air ballssssssssssssssssss.

Urghhhhhhhhhhh... Guess like i gotta improve the strength of my arms / fingers / hands.

Damn it.. i had recalled the teasing from a old friend that we usually played together alot.

"你还是没变额~~ 射的球还是那样有水准"

He would probably said it again after watching those shots i guess...........

Ishhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Let's just ignore that.. I guess i'm getting enthusiasm already.

I think this gonna be the something that i eager to do it again and again.

I want to compete, and i believe i can be happier from the sweat i released from my body.

It's really been a while for me to being excite since enter the college life.

Everyday was accompanied by computers, programming, games and etc.

My eyes is getting sour and the dark circles are sinking into my skin, which felt like unremovable. 

And, 

I believe i can make more friends via passing the ball into their comfort position ( I am in love with the art of passing instead of scoring )

Jason Kidd, Jason Williams, Chris Paul, Deron Williams, Steven Nash ... They're incredible passer and their eyes happens to be everywhere in their body. They can easily perform a no-look pass and unexpectable pass.

Unfortunately, i'm never an agile dribbler or neither the scoring machine.

But passer fits well to me, because a good pass could be shown as the sign of wisdom within myself. (HAHA)

Oh Sh1T !

I had been out of subject again.

Well, 

I guess...

It could be a better way for me to get closer with new peoples via some good play since i always had the cool glance against the strangers which mostly caused them to felt me as a unfriendly person.

Urhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Tomorrow morning i will go for jogging to build some stamina. 

I think i would easily get exhausted at this period

And for the last part, i must be ready to endure the pain of muscle...

That's the thing that i must maintain it for the last 

Otherwise, i would never achieve what i expected in playing basketball

GO FOR IT.

DO IT.

&

HAVE FUN.

Well.... I wonder is it coincidence or not?
It's so odd because its been months that i never set any calender entry.
And eventually, i found this unexpectedly.

Haha.. don't look on the clock.
I am fully aware on the impact from sleep deprivation.
However, in this circumstance, i decided to have a new post on my blog,
which simply because i had inspired.

"Do what i should do" huh?
Well... its remind me of a friend.
She's going into an internship in this very morning.
There goes a new adventure for her or we could simply described as a very first step to her working career.
Hmm...
Among the former colleagues, she had definitely been one huge step away from me.
I can feel a massive space between us since she had leap onto a decent opportunity while i'm still pursuing my study certificate.

Just a year or so back, we were all the same positioned in the term of study stages.
Now, it is unquestionable that i felt depress currently, albeit i had placed myself on the right track to pave a way for my future.
Even there is still a numerous unknowns for me but i think i have the confidence to cope with them pretty well as long as i am able to keep the fire in my heart away from extinguished.

And,
Well,
In the very past few weeks, i had questioned myself for at least hundreds times when every time i had my own reflection on the mirror.
So far, do it sounds creepy to you?
Maybe in your mind, you would think that i'm definitely the crank?
Well.. i can definitely tell you that i don't care of any speculation because i understand very well that
I had lost the sight of myself as i felt lost in my ways.
By looking at the mirror, deep in thought.
I can at least tell myself that, the guy in front of the mirror wasn't who i want to be and i really do want have a change on it.
Then, in the very next moment, i can felt my countenance had a little brightened up.
Hopefully, my eyes could no longer  glazed with the dark circles and fix my teeth soon.
So that, i can laugh or smile as common people did.

P.S:
[ BIG SIGHssssssssssss ]
I should pay a direct attention onto the incident that happens during i was playing football during the rain in basketball court.

P.P.S:
I'm still so bad to write a post.
The sentences i wrote doesn't feel smooth at all.
I am still unable to fully express what's within the thought.
Urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......

Well....
P.P.P.S:
Very last thing to say,
Gradually, i will set everything up and doesn't wanna have any more regrets in my remaining lifetime.
Let's hope / Let's Do..
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmss..

**** [If you often play online games, you should've understands the meaning of these 4 Asterik symbols *]
I should sleep now.
Allow me to hear the very last song at tonight

夜的钢情曲 (5) by 石进 

Lie

“When truth is replaced by silence,the silence is a lie.” 
― Yevgeny Yevtushenko

“If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now.” 
― Jarod Kintz

“A lie that is half-truth is the darkest of all lies.” 
― Alfred Tennyson

I felt the same as those quotes mean so.

In the deepest in my mind, i know:

There's always a better reason to tell the truth.

But, i chose to lie.

I think my "friends" knew it.

Which is why i put the quotation mark.

I'm supposed that i had lost them already.

It's been a year and more already.

I am still living up with the lie.

To live a lie ,which means to be dishonest to the person, who close to me, especially family is suffer.

Because i am pretending to be someone that i am currently not.

Its all happen when i tend to escape the responsibility.

Sincerely, there is much to tell but i couldn't.

It's time to make the resolution.

Please don't bother this post.

I am writing this to my self.

The day is arriving soon.

I could breath again with the sigh of relief in the morning soon.

I know i can...

I know...

Shhhhhh......

It's 10th of March now...
It's been more than a half of year i didn't update my blog.
Well... within these months, i clearly trapped myself in the darkness of my mind.
I shouldn't conceal my head in the hole as an ostrich always did when it feels the fears or dangers that approached toward it.

Now, i turn off the light of my rooms.
Only having the light of desktop monitor light drop on my face.
I had my hand in front of the light and stare on it.
And i can't help but notice the slight tremble comes from my hand.
Pathetic...

But in a second after,
I closed my eyes.
My heart could feel the moment of peace.
Actually i knew i could do this.
Within myself, i can always stand strong.
Being along with friends and family, i can stay stronger.
That's where i found myself a calm mood.

Everyone will has the moment of fear or worry.
It's just a matter of being face it or escape from it.
It is never easy to face it.
But ensure yourself to think through it and figure out the why are you going to face it.

Somtimes the fact is actually very simple.
We're just complicated it.
If you wanna make sure you can reach your goals.
First, go to the beach.
Walk yourself into the sea.
Walk until the water level reach over your head.
Get your head sink into the sea and hold as long as possible.
Eventually, you will raise your head above the sea surface without your consciousness.
Repeat the same move.

Now, i think above your head should appear lots of question marks.
Why doing it repeatably in a sea will help you reach the goal.
Reason is simple.
First, you gotta know and understand why you can't breath underneath the sea surface.

If you refer your goal as the oxygen.
It's just the same theory when you attempt to sink your head underneath the sea surface,
In the deepest of your intention, your head will raise above the sea surface in order to get the oxygen.
Because you understand the importance of the oxygen to your body system.
Without oxygen in few minutes, you will never see the light again with your eyes.
So if your goal is important as the oxygen.
You will see by youself how hard will you going through to achieve it.

*********************************************************************************

This post might be a typical bad sample for a quote.
But hopefully you can receive the message i try to tell.
Anyway, good luck for all of us.
Never messed up ourselves.
...